I don't write enough about mental health so here goes. IT'S VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!
This post is going to cover two things. First, my search for a therapist. And second, the state of my mental health and how it impacts me.
My search for a therapist
Ok, on to the first. Everyone knows the story of Goldilocks, right? This bed is too hard, this bed is too soft, this bed is juuuuuuuust right!
Well, that's been my therapy journey (I am not a fan of the word "journey" (overused) but it works here). My first therapist in Portland was very helpful. He helped me get a lot of insights and connected a lot of dots for me. He also gave me perspective when I needed it. Example: Not to be morbid, but when the cancer thing started we discussed death. As I was talking about it, his response was "We are all going to die and no one knows when". That kind of snapped me back to reality. He also helped me realize that I am not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of not living. Two very different ideas. BUT, he never spoke (or very little). Like literally. I would walk in and he wouldn't say anything. For those who know me, I am very chatty. It was almost always awkward and the awkwardness got me to talk more and to process. I would not look forward to it and found myself worried about what I would discuss in every session.
He was too hard.
My next therapist was the exact opposite. Very nice, empathetic, chatty, and easy to talk to. BUT, she didn't challenge me at all. She wouldn't use things that I had said in the past to connect ideas, wouldn't call me out on bullshit, etc. We discussed it (I am very honest) but we still couldn't get there.
She was too soft.
So now, I am looking for juuuuuuuuuust right. I think I found her. I will let you know soon. She seems to have good energy, seems very honest, and seems like she will listen to me and push me. After all, if you leave a therapy session and feel like it was easy, it's worth questioning the value of the session. One thing I like is that when we spoke (I now interview therapists to see if it feels like a fit before I commit) I asked her if she wanted to see my blog or anything else. She said no, she wants to know how I am in the moment and to discuss that. I liked that approach.
So fingers crossed! And, she's a NYer. And I seem to gravitate to that energy. It's the right amount of humor, directness, no BS, and insight.
My mental health state
Now let's discuss my state. A few weeks ago, I was mopey. I don't know how Krista did it but I couldn't have been fun to be around. I wasn't mean, depressed or anything, I just didn't have my usual energy. I started to realize it last week. Once I realized it I decided to do something about it (this wasn't one of those, "it's okay to be down" feelings, it was more "I am bored and need to do something different"). So I went to the gym, I hiked twice (5 miles on a beautiful trail and 6.3 miles in Forest Park (look it up, it's amazing), went to the beach and I went skydiving. Guess what? I feel much better. I am back to pushing myself and doing different things. I am happier, more engaged, and feel better. Now I am working on the house and planning trips.
There isn't one neat bow to tie around this post other than just to say that my mental health is what drives me. I focus and spend more time on my mental health, than I do on treatments. And it works. When I am feeling good mentally, I feel good physically. My guess is that 60-70% of my time is focused on my mental health through activities, music, writing, walking, therapy, etc.
There are 10,080 minutes in a week and 40,320 minutes in 4 weeks. My physical treatment is a shot that takes 30 minutes once every 28 days (4 weeks), which leaves a lot of time to focus on my mental state.
I am beginning to let that sink in.
